I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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