two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
