Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
