she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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