I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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