Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize