I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
this boner is exhausting
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
