Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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