We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
