So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
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...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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