note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
