Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
