Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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