i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
