Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
