Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
