So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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