May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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