Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
wow bdsm is so cute
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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