im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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