BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
