if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know her cup size but not her name....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
