addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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