Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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