Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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