I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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