"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
