I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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