do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
