let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
