So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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