I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
