he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
