I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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