I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
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she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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