my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
