I should be sponsored by Trojan
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
