I can text with my tongue
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
