Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
