Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
