I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
