it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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