I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
