'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
