maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
