I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize