so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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