I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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