I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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