He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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