I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
