I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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