i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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