so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
