Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
