how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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