What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
