the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
