there's paper in my vomit.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
