so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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