In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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