He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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