I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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