He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
