she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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