You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We are two peas in an std pod
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
