I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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