Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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