worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize