please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
