Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
