im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
