I feel great
I just peed on a car
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
