Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
