I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
