i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
