Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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