I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
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The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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