I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Congratulations! We have a period
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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