Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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