At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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